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"Often we have to remind our minds that the job of asshole is already taken."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
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Personal Development
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"Give people a chance."
Opportunity
"Who are you not to be yourself?"
Authenticity
"Forgiveness and Blame share an apartment, but not for long, because Blame can't live with Forgiveness, and Forgiveness can't live with Blame."
Conflict
"He lifted himself out of the darkness of his fears, into a bright new world of possibility."
Growth
"Option A:Spend your life trying to get others to accept you.Option B:Accept yourself, and spend your life with others who recognize what a beauty you are."
Life
"You have the power to change your life, if you want to. By the words you speak, the actions you take, the thoughts you give weight to. Your choices make all the difference. Your dedication alone will set you on a new path. Are you committed to making a better life for yourself? We make it a priority to discover your happiness? Can you let the past go to create space for the present? Your life will only change if you're willing to make changes, when you consider your peace and well-being and begin to make choices that serve them. One choice at the time. Though growthh is happening every moment, change rarely happens overnight. But it will happen eventually, if you stay committed. And why wouldn't you? This is your one very precious life were talking about."
Transformation
"Why not to choose to believe in yourself, just to see what happens?"
Confidence
"Do you ever feel this way?It's usually a tough realization, but it makes moving on that much easier. And it creates more space in your life for those who do get you.Oh, my love, you never really got me, did you?"
Relationship
"We can't always know why things happen the way they happen, or why a person makes the choices they do. Knowing why isn't necessary to move forward, unless we make it so.You may never find out why. Don't let that keep you from moving on with your life."
Acceptance
"Aren't you tired of shutting up? Aren't you sick of choking down your truth?Aren't you over nodding yes when you mean no?Then stop-shutting and choking and nodding.You have not come this far to stay silent.You have not endured so much to give up now.You have not awakened just to go back to sleep.Right now is the time to announce yourself. Who are you? What do we need to know?Only you make claim to who you are.Only you decide what's right, and not, for you.Only you choose how you want to shine.You-only you-get to create your singular life."
Empowerment
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