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"Often we have to remind our minds that the job of asshole is already taken."
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Exlpore more Humor quotes
"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."
"I liked that he was a tenured professor in the Department of Slightly Crooked Smiles with a dual appointments in the Department of Having a Voice that Made My Skin Feel More Like Skin."
"What is it with you today? says Christina on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are stillswollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face."Oh, you know, I say. "Sun shining. Birds chirping.She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an undergroundtunnel."
"In a way, a lot of my humor comes from presenting things that are dramatic or shocking and then people not having socially appropriate responses, having people denying the drama by failing to react to it, and that's a really classic form of humor."
"I just don't- Ronan. My ears are bleeding!"Ronan turned down the music."
"Ben, if you get pee in my brand-new car, I am going to cut your balls off."Still peeing, Ben looks over at me smirking. "You re gonna need a hell of a big knife, bro."
"It's rude to stare, but the great thing about staring at a sedated person is that they don't know you're doing it."
"Well, while you were in the bathroom, I sat down at this picnic table here in Bumblefug, Kentucky, and noticed that someone had carved that GOD HATES FAG, which, aside from being a grammatical nightmare, is absolutely ridiculous. So I'm changing it to 'God Hates Baguettes.' It's tough to disagree with that. Everybody hates baguettes."
Explore more quotes by Scott Stabile
"I look around and see so much fear, people getting more and more comfortable with their hate, more at ease being mean, more united in their separation. And I think, NO. Not me. I will not get lost in this fearful world. I will not play with bullies. I will continue to be brave and kind. I will speak for real unity. And no matter what, I will never stop loving."
"With each day that passes, it becomes more and more clear that the most true way to make it through this life is with the deepest possible commitment to compassion and a relentless dedication to love."
"A little creativity can make something ordinary, extraordinary, and something extraordinary that much more so."
"It is love, has been love, will always be love that makes the biggest difference in our world."
"We rarely find answers in the distractions. But oh what possibilities live within the quiet of solitude.In my fear to be alone,I distracted myself away from the deep beauty of my own solitude."
"Hey, Beautiful, There is room for all that you are and everything you have to offer our world. Share yourself."
"I see you. I see your strength and courage, your hesitations and fears. I see the way you love others, and your struggle to love yourself.I see how hard you work to grow, and your dedication to heal. I see your vulnerable humanity, and your transcendent divinity.I see you, and I love what I see."
"I'm super fucking sensitive. I love this about myself only slightly more than I can't stand it. Sometimes I wish I were an unfeeling stone who didn't take everything so personally and didn't need so much space all the time. Feeling can get exhausting fast. Mostly, though, I know my sensitivity is a superpower, perhaps my greatest, and it's the thing that keeps me loving our world in a profound way, when I'm not too busy hiding from it, that is."
"Shout out to the noisemakers. Our world needs your voices.Make noise for justice.Make noise for inclusion.Make noise for empathy.Make noise for our planet.Make noise for civil rights.Make noise for women's rights.Make noise for compassion.Make noise for LOVE."
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