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"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
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"Along with you, I have witnessed the unfortunate rise in gasoline prices that has accompanied the summer driving season and the more recent spike in prices due to Hurricane Katrina."
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'"
"Finally, we should help developing nations like China and India curb their exponentially increasing consumption of oil and natural gas, which is driving world prices higher."
"I grew up at 16 years old driving trucks across the George Washington Bridge."
"It seems that whatever we do is somehow beyond reproach - murder, rape, drunk driving - as long as we go on a TV show and apologize."
Explore more quotes by George Carlin
"I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work."
"I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic."
"Words are all we have, really. We have thoughts but thoughts are fluid. Then we assign a word to a thought and we're stuck with that word for that thought, so be careful with words. I like to think that the same words that hurt can heal. It's a matter of how you pick them."
"Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money."
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