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"Pointless... like giving caviar to an elephant."
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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
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Personal Development

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
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Personal Development

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
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Personal Development

"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
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Personal Development

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
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Personal Development

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
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Personal Development

"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
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Personal Development

"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
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Personal Development

"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
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Personal Development

"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."
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"Hollywood is a place where a man can get stabbed in the back while climbing a ladder."
Humor

"Everything goes by the board: honor, pride, decency to get the book written."
Work

"The aim of every artist is to arrest motion, which is life, by artificial means and hold it fixed so that a hundred years later, when a stranger looks at it, it moves again since it is life."
Life

"Facts and truth really don't have much to do with each other."
Truth

"This is a free country. Folks have a right to send me letters, and I have a right not to read them."
Attitude

"Pointless... like giving caviar to an elephant."
Humor

"The scattered tea goes with the leaves and every day a sunset dies."
Wisdom

"All of us failed to match our dreams of perfection. So I rate us on the basis of our splendid failure to do the impossible."
Inspirational

"Tomorrow night is nothing but one long sleepless wrestle with yesterday's omissions and regrets."
Time

"Man performs and engenders so much more than he can or should have to bear. That's how he finds that he can bear anything."
Wisdom
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