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"In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani."
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"The Iraqi elections were an important first step."

"I am constitutionally competent to contest the elections."

"In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani."

"Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?"

"The candidate out front on Labor Day has historically been the one who stayed ahead in November."

"The labour Party has lost the last four elections. If they lose another, they get to keep the liberal party."
Explore more quotes by Conan O'Brien

"Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me."

"Officials at the White House are saying that President Bush hasn't changed his schedule much since the war started. The main difference, they say, is that he's started watching the news and taping Sponge Bob."

"In a prime-time address, President Bush said he backed limited federal funding for stem cell research. That's right, the President said, this is a quote, the research could help cure brain diseases like Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, and whatever it is I have."

"President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled out his baseball cards."

"In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani."

"Apparently Arnold was inspired by President Bush, who proved you can be a successful politician in this country even if English is your second language."

"Several hard-core Star Wars fans who had tickets for the first showing actually said that when the movie finally began, they started crying. Mainly because they realized that it's 22 years later, and they still haven't lost their virginity."

"This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him."

"CBS news anchor Dan Rather has interviewed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. When asked what it was like to talk to a crazy man, Saddam said, 'It's not so bad.'"
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