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"In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani."
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"John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take control of his airplane even though they don't know what they're doing. Then Travolta said he often does the same thing with his career."
Control
"President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003. Isn't that amazing? Yes, and get this, not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million deal to read a book by 2003."
President
"Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly."
Party
"Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen years."
Controversy
"Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'"
First
"Tom Cruise's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay. In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney has been hospitalized for exhaustion."
Exhaustion
"If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice."
Life
"In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani."
Elections
"This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him."
Popular
"In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber' union."
People
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"I learned more about elections on election night 2000 than I ever did during my 16 years of schooling."
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Personal Development
"Do not seek to find a reason why elections are not possible. Seek to make them possible, and they will be possible."
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Personal Development
"I know that elections must be limited only to those who understand that the Arabs are the deadly enemy of the Jewish state, who would bring on us a slow Auschwitz - not with gas, but with knives and hatchets."
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Personal Development
"Our elections are free, it's in the results where eventually we pay."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The labour Party has lost the last four elections. If they lose another, they get to keep the liberal party."
Author Name
Personal Development
"In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The candidate out front on Labor Day has historically been the one who stayed ahead in November."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I think the Democratic Party realizes, having lost two presidential elections, we need to do a better job of creating a farm team."
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Personal Development
"I am planning to return and contest the October elections in Pakistan."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The Iraqi elections were an important first step."
Author Name
Personal Development
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