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"Jimmy put in a word and told them that if I made it, I wouldn't be able to live with myself without paying them back. That I'd sooner die than owe anyone money for helping me. Apparently Jimmy knew more about me at that point than I knew about myself."
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"The condition you're in at this moment is the product of your previous thoughts, to change your condition, change your thoughts."
Personal Development

"To get matured, you must have an education in the School of Solitude!"

"Happiness is not defined by how much money you possess."
Explore more quotes by Craig Ferguson

"Allowances can always be made for your friends to disagree with you. Disagreement, vehement disagreement, is healthy. Debate is impossible without it. Evil does not question itself, only hope questions itself. Even the incorruptible are corruptible if they cannot accept the possibility of being mistaken. Infallibility is a sin in any man. All laws can be broken and are. Often. Like when a bumblebee flies or an ancient regime is toppled."

"School did give me one of the greatest gifts of my life, though. I learned how to read, and for that I remain thankful. I would have died otherwise. As soon as I was able, I read, alone. Under the covers with a flashlight or in my corner of the attic - I sought solace in books. It was from books that I started to get an inkling of the kinds of assholes I was dealing with. I found allies too, in books, characters my age who were going through or had triumphed against the same bullshit."

"Strange star - like object over Oslo right before Obama arrives. A gift of a golden medal given by a group of wise men... Nah."

"For example, in Paris, if one desires to buy something, you enter the store and say 'Good morning, sir' or 'madam, ' depending on what is appropriate, you wait until you are greeted, you make polite chitchat about the weather or some such, and when the salesperson asks what they can do for you, then and only then do you bring up the vulgar business of the transaction you require."

"I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist."

"I think commercialism helps Christmas and I think that the more capitalism we can inject into the Christmas holiday the more spiritual I feel about it"

"I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time...Its Free!"

"I know the fashion is that everything is fair game [for comedy material] but I don't believe that."
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