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Mitch Hedberg

"I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle."

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"I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle."

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"The whole night I was thinking and dreaming to give you the most beautiful gift and that is my heart."

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"Love as if you are born to love."

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"Love the dream to live the dream."

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"Love is like a vast ocean."

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"Love is my inner strength and my power."

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"Nothing can contaminate the purity of my love-not even the dirt of hateful thoughts."

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"Be kind to express your love for life. No reason is needed to be kind."

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"Love nature as if it is your own garden of love."

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"Be the light of love to enlighten the whole world."

Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

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Mitch Hedberg
"My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set."
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Mitch Hedberg
"People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky."
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Mitch Hedberg
"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."
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Mitch Hedberg
"All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before."
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Mitch Hedberg
"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it."
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