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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youE1d actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I donE1t think sheE1s joking."
Author Name
Personal Development
"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Zombies are far better than religious people, because they do not discriminate in killing."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."
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Personal Development
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"I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different."
Earth
"A society, on occasion, can be the worst possible describer of mental health."
Society
"He gave me the key, which I later discovered would open practically every door in the hotel. I thanked him, and I made a small mistake we irony collectors often make: I tried to share an irony with a stranger. It can't be done. I told him I had been in the Arapahoe before-in Nineteen-hundred and Thirty-one. He was not interested."
Social
"What is my definition of jazz? 'Safe sex of the highest order."
Music
"Somebody gets into trouble, then gets out of it again. People love that story. They never get tired of it."
Storytelling
"You can't just eat good food. You've got to talk about it too. And you've got to talk about it to somebody who understands that kind of food."
Social
"When a person dies he only appears to die. He is still very much alive in the past, so it is very silly for people to cry at his funeral. All moment, past, present, future, always have existed, always will exist."
Death
"Flashlight beams danced crazily."
Imagination
"What made marriage so difficult back then was yet again that instigator of so many other sorts of heartbreak: the oversize brain."
Relationship
"Or they'll talk about fear, which we used to call politics- job politics, social politics, government politics."
Politics
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