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"It's weird, I never wish anything bad upon anybody, except two or three old girlfriends."
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"If you don't have a valentine, hang out with your girlfriends, don't go looking for someone. When it's right, they'll come to you."

"On-screen relationships are the best because you don't have to worry about saying the wrong things. And if the guy's got a girlfriend, or I'm not attracted to him, it's even better. It's just my character kissing his character."

"Getting plenty of sleep is always great. It really is. I have a girlfriend who's sending me a slant board."

"We're getting ready to take over the world. My group of girlfriends - we're renegades."

"Directors are never in short supply of girlfriends."

"My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality."

"Personally, I don't like a girlfriend to have a husband. If she'll fool her husband, I figure she'll fool me."

"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes.""

"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."
Explore more quotes by Carrot Top

"My real name is Scott Thompson. I could have gone by that name, but when I started doing comedy I thought I needed to go by something that has a little more of a hook."

"I always thought marketing in general was an interesting kind of thing. I always liked commercials and billboards."
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