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"It's weird, I never wish anything bad upon anybody, except two or three old girlfriends."
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"Getting plenty of sleep is always great. It really is. I have a girlfriend who's sending me a slant board."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes.""
Author Name
Personal Development
"I have 20,000 girlfriends, all around the world."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Personally, I don't like a girlfriend to have a husband. If she'll fool her husband, I figure she'll fool me."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When I was nine, I had this girlfriend and we used to have running races in the park. I wanted to be like Superman and fly in and rescue her."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My bed isn't made, I'm tired, I haven't slept well for two weeks. I haven't been laid in a month. I don't have a girlfriend. I have a warrant for my arrest."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My girlfriend and I rented a nice house on the river and I was there for about two and a half months, and we were just out of Alabama. I hardly got to see Alabama."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Our fans want us to be happy and if that means being married or having a girlfriend, they are okay with that. Of course, in this industry it is a bit harder to have normal relationships, but it is possible."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When we meet, I'm interested and I'm curious about what he's doing because he's burning a number from a client. And I'm like, 'Who is this?' and my girlfriend's like, 'That's a drug dealer. Stay away from him.'"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"I think the more you do this and the more comfortable you become on stage, you start speaking more and becoming more of a character in yourself."
Character
"Like I told Howard, I can't help it that I'm beautiful."
Help
"I think it's the fact that I do something different and that I actually have some success with it. That bothers a lot of people... especially comics."
Success
"I always thought marketing in general was an interesting kind of thing. I always liked commercials and billboards."
Thought
"My real name is Scott Thompson. I could have gone by that name, but when I started doing comedy I thought I needed to go by something that has a little more of a hook."
Thought
"People always want to put a label on you; they always want to compare you to something."
People
"I think, over the years, I've kind of evolved."
Years
"I didn't really have a plan of attack when I got in college."
College
"It's weird, I never wish anything bad upon anybody, except two or three old girlfriends."
Girlfriend
"Carrot Top is a nickname that people call me and I thought that it was more marketable."
Thought
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