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"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?"
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"Our national media refuses to report that even the Supreme Court did not say marriage was a human right in all cases nor did it say that the heterosexual definition violated anyone's right or that the heterosexual definition of marriage was unconstitutional."
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"Just as one has no choice but to defecate, one has no choice but to get married. If your mind remains single, then there is no problem. However, one has no choice but marry if the mind is already married."
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Personal Development
"A young man married is a man that's marred."
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Personal Development
"A man with a good wife is the luckiest of God's creatures, and one without must be among the most miserable, I think, the only true blessing of their lives that they don't know how poorly off they are."
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Personal Development
"I think that's one of the most difficult things in any marriage - in order to build anything, you must be together. You can't build anything over the telephone."
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"Marriage, laws, the police, armies and navies are the mark of human incompetence."
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Personal Development
"When she had first crossed the dry and dusty world which his mind inhabited she had been like a spring shower; in opening himself to it he had not been mistaken. He had gone wrong only in assuming that marriage, by itself, gave him either power or title to appropriate that freshness. As he now saw, one might as well have thought one could buy a sunset by buying the field from which one had seen it."
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"Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry."
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"Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage."
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"What tale do you like best to hear?' 'Oh, I have not much choice! They generally run on the same theme - courtship; and promise to end in the same catastrophe - marriage."
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Explore more quotes by Groucho Marx
"Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough."
People
"Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?"
Eyes
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
Time
"I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt."
Time
"Humor is reason gone mad."
Humor
"My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one."
Mother
"The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths."
Time
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
Life
"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."
Father
"There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook."
Man
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