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Rita Rudner

"Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in."

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"Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in."

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Akiroq Brost

"What men are among the other formations of the earth, artists are among men."

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Akiroq Brost

"Women may fall when there's no strength in men."

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Akiroq Brost

"Men are April when they woo, December when they wed. Maids are May when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives."

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Akiroq Brost

"Be noble minded! Our own heart, and not other men's opinions of us, forms our true honor."

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Akiroq Brost

"If we are marked to die, we are enough to do our country loss; and if to live, the fewer men, the greater share of honor."

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Akiroq Brost

"There have been many great men that have flattered the people who ne'er loved them."

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Akiroq Brost

"There is nothing wrong with men possessing riches. The wrong comes when riches possess men."

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Akiroq Brost

"Many men owe the grandeur of their lives to their tremendous difficulties."

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Akiroq Brost

"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages."

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Akiroq Brost

"But men are men; the best sometimes forget."

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Rita Rudner
"I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine."
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Rita Rudner
"It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
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Rita Rudner
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."
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Rita Rudner
"Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry."
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Rita Rudner
"I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them."
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Rita Rudner
"Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid."
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Rita Rudner
"Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?"
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Rita Rudner
"The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him."
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Rita Rudner
"Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times."
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Rita Rudner
"Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"
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