"We almost made it to thirty seconds without an insult. I think we set a new record."

Humor, Achievement, Success, Fun

19

Create Your Own Wallpaper

Standard

Customized

"We almost made it to thirty seconds without an insult. I think we set a new record."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Laughter, Wisdom, Mortality

"Pessimist - one who when he has the choice of two evils chooses both."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Pessimism, Evil, Choice, Irony

"Pardon my French if you're a religious man.''I am,' Bill said, grinning.'Then get outta my cab and go to fucking church,' the cabbie said, and they both burst out laughing."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Faith, Truth, Wisdom

"Mr. Bennet, how can you abuse your own children in such a way? Youtake delight in vexing me. You have no compassion for my poor nerves.""You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. Theyare my old friends. I have heard you mention them with considerationthese last twenty years at least."

Jane Austen, British Writer

Humor, Marriage, Family, Nerves

"You can be a little ungrammatical if you come from the right part of the country."

Robert Frost, American Poet

Humor, Country, Right

"April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, April, Fool, Day

"Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?I didn't think it polite to listen, sir."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Politeness, Listening, Conversation

"Never try to out-stubborn a cat."

Robert A. Heinlein, American Writer

Humor, Animals, Cats, Wisdom

"In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, God, Idiots, Practice, School

"I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Literary

Explore more quotes by Sherrilyn Kenyon

"Kat laughed. 'Who wants to live forever?'Kish put his hand up. 'For the record, I do.'Sin scowled at him. 'Then why do you irritate me so often?'Suicidal tendencies are inherent in my species?"

Philosophy

"People are basically irritating. Myself included."

Humor

"I'm just glad you're all right. And if you want to date, I promise I won't gut the little... Male."She laughed at that. " I can wait until you're ready. I don't want you in jail for it."Fain smiled. "Very well I'm told ninety is a prime dating age for a human female."

Relationship

"It's easy to look at people and make quick judgements about them, their present and their pasts, but you'd be amazed at the pain and tears a single smile hides. what a person shows to the world is only one tiny facet of the iceburg hidden from sight. And more often then not, it's lined with cracks and scars that go all the way to the foundation of their soul."

Philosophy

"When someone is drowning and you try to save them, they're more likely to drown you before you pull them out."

Philosophy

"Lips and tongues lie. But actions never do. No matter what words are spoken, actions betray the truth of everyone's heart."

Ethics

"Do you believe in eternal love, Vane?"He nodded. "When you live for hundreds of years, you see all kinds of things.""How does someone know the difference between that and infatuation?"He sat up between her legs, then pulled her into his lap to cuddle. "I don't think there is a difference. Ithink infatuation is like a garden. If tended and cared for, it grows into love. If neglected or abused itdies. The only way to have eternal love is to never let your heart forget what it's like to live without it."

Love

"People with weaknesses get killed by the people who lack them. Notice I'm not dead."

Life

"Just because you can doesn't mean you should."

Philosophy

"Vane passed the mashed potatoes across Bride to Fury, who stared at them with a fierce frown. "Whatare these?" he asked."Potatoes," Vane told him."What did they do to them?""Just eat them, Fury," Vane said. "You'll like them, trust me."Patrick snorted. "Where are you from that you've never seen mashed potatoes before?""Mars," Fury said as he frowned at the way the potatoes clung to the spoon."

Humor