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"People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them."
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"People used what they called a telephone because they hated being close together and they were scared of being alone."
"Still and all, why bother? Here's my answer. Many people need desperately to receive this message: I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone."
"The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over."
"I was put off by people at school - my cabbage wasn't as good as other people's, you know, so that put me off."
"But contrary to what some people seem to think, I was never a bully. I was just a hard man."
"Part of the early Who career was all about knocking people's confidences out."
"Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people."
Explore more quotes by Dave Barry
"I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating."
"It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin."
"Thanks to my solid academic training, today I can write hundreds of words on virtually any topic without possessing a shred of information, which is how I got a good job in journalism."
"Kakimi chertyami oni viigrali holodnuyu voinu?'This translates roughly to: 'How the hell did these people win the Cold War?"
"There's nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you finally see what goes on underwater,you realize that you've been missing the whole point of the ocean. Staying on the surface all the time is like going to the circus and staring at the outside of the tent."
"Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough."
"Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth."
"This is the funniest book I've ever held in my hands. --Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize winning humorist and author says about Radical Sabbatical."
"Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions."
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