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"This blue shirt i have is practically the same color as my jeans, and looking all-blue is something only cookie monster can pull off."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
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Personal Development
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"If you want to live within the definition of your own truth, you have to choose to go through the painful process of finding it."
Self
"We always underestimated our own participation in magic. That is, we thought of magic as something that existed with or without us. But that's not true. Things are not magical because they've been conjured for us by some outside force. They are magical because we create them, and then deem them so. Ryan and Avery will say the first moment they spoke, the first moment they danced, was magical. But they were the ones-no one else, nothing else-who gave it the magic. We know. We were there. Ryan opened himself to it. Avery opened himself to it. And the act of opening was all they needed. That is the magic."
Magic
"What are your interests?""Your son in my room," I said."Excuse me?""The sun and the moon," I said. "Astronomy."
Curiosity
"As we become the distant past, you become a future few of us would have imagined."
Future
"It might feel like the end of the world--but it's the beginning of your art."
Art
"The good old days needed a lot of improvement. People aren't the only things that get better with age."
Perspective
"This is what you do now to give your day topography--scan the boxes, read the news, see the chain of your friends reporting about themselves, take the 140-character expository bursts and sift through for the information you need. It's a highly deceptive world, one that constantly asks you to comment but doesn't really care what you have to say. The illusion of participation can sometimes lead to participation. But more often than not, it only leads to more illusion, dressed in the guise of reality."
Social
"I had gotten so used to being alone, but never entirely used to it. Never used to it enough to stop wanting the alternative."
Solitude
"Either way, you were connected. By your desires. By your defiance. By the simple, complicated fact of who you were."
Identity
"I showed him the Post-it. "You see They're from Lily."Who's Lily?"Some girl."Ooh... a girl!"Boomer, we're not in third grade anymore. You don't say, 'Ooh... a girl!'"What? You fucking her?"Okay, Boomer, you're right. I liked 'Ooh... a girl!' much more than that. Let's stick with 'Ooh... a girl!"
Friendship
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