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Steven Wright

"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"

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"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"

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Amber Hurdle

"Shame lies. All the time. About everything. Don't believe your shame."

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Amber Hurdle

"Her mind is an unquiet one, words and thoughts and impulses constantly crashing into each other."

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Amber Hurdle

"[If a man] postpone[s] any open acknowledgement... that his own faith is in direct opposition to the assumptions on which all the conversation of his new friends [are] based... he will be in a false position. He will be silent when he ought to speak and laugh when he ought to be silent. He will assume, at first only by his manner, but presently by his words, all sorts of cynical and sceptical attitudes which are not really his. But... they may become his. All mortals tend to turn into the thing they are pretending to be."

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Amber Hurdle

"We are what we believe we are."

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Amber Hurdle

"Man is more likely to believe an opinion that he wanted to hear - than a fact that he wishes was an opinion."

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Amber Hurdle

"Narcissists often feign oppression because narcissists always feel entitled."

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Amber Hurdle

"Some people are each envious of the person they used to be."

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Amber Hurdle

"No single bad person regards themselves as a bad person."

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Amber Hurdle

"You can get into a habit of thought in which you enjoy making fun of all those other people who don't see things as clearly as you do. We have to guard carefully against it."

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Amber Hurdle

"To say 'I want to have sex with this person' is to express a desire which is not intellectually directed in the way that 'I want to eradicate poverty in the world' is an intellectually directed desire. Furthernore, the gratification of sexual desire can only ever give temporary satisfaction. Thus as Nagarjuna, the great Indian scholar said: 'When you have an itch, you scratch. But not to itch at all is better than any amount of scratching."

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Steven Wright
"I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding."
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"Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time."
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Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
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Steven Wright
"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."
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Steven Wright
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
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Steven Wright
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
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Steven Wright
"People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do."
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Steven Wright
"In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number."
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Steven Wright
"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
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Steven Wright
"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny."
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