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"I'm doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it's fantastic and it makes me very happy. I'm dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I'm working on a new tv show for cable and it's not set up yet."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's funny; I actually made poorer decisions when I sobered up then when I was screwed up."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Of course, the wind sort of swept up and the music was flying around in mid air and they were trying to play off it. You had to be there. It was quite funny."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's funny how the music industry is enraged about the Internet and the way things are copied without being paid for. But you know why people steal the music? Because they can't afford the music."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I never thought I was funny, but I enjoy being funny."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Only man has dignity; only man, therefore, can be funny."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My friend had a funny remark; he told me everybody has something - some people have a big butt, some people are insecure and at least you know what it is, even if it's a lump on your head. I know I have a lump on my head."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's so funny whenever things come full circle."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"When I see the American flag, I go, 'Oh my God, you're insulting me.'"
God
"When Communist U.S.S.R. was a superpower, the world was better off. The right-wing media is trying to marginalize the peace movement."
Peace
"I would have to say loneliness is next to uncleanliness."
Loneliness
"I say at this point, for different reasons, Bush and Hussein are both very threatening to world peace and to deny that is to be incredibly naive."
Peace
"Is being an idiot like being high all the time?"
Time
"Iraq is a manufactured conflict for the sake of geopolitical dominance in the area."
Conflict
"To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first."
Courage
"I absolutely realize that a celebrity spokesperson is not ideal."
Celebrity
"I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person-as the people in this room will attest."
Funny
"I can do most anything and not have a problem with it. The only time I have negative attention is when I run naked through the streets brandishing a handgun."
Time
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