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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside."
Happiness
"It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand."
Spiritual
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
Humor
"You cannot surprise an individual more than twice with the same marvel."
Experience
"The history of our race, and each individual's experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal."
Truth
"We have not the reverent feeling for the rainbow that the savage has, because we know how it is made. We have lost as much as we gained by prying into that matter."
Nature
"Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever."
Humor
"'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read."
Wisdom
"When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people."
Truth
"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."
Morality
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