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Dave Barry

"Maybe somebody finally shot the dog."

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"Maybe somebody finally shot the dog."

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Amber Hurdle

"She dried her tears, and they did smileTo see her cheeks' returning glow;Nor did discern how all the whileThat full heart throbbed to overflow.With that sweet look and lively tone,And bright eye shining all the day,They could not guess, at midnight loneHow she would weep the time away."

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Amber Hurdle

"Her eyes are sad.My thoughts are sadder.And you can't fall in love with me.She slowly walks inside, avoiding my gaze as she watches her feet with each step.They're the saddest steps I've ever seentaken.I close the door.It's the saddest door I've ever had to close."

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Amber Hurdle

"I wanted to tell her happy was hard for me. But I think she already knew that."

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Amber Hurdle

"Did you bring me a rat?""He has no time for rats, George.""No time for rats? That's just sad."

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Amber Hurdle

"Bitter, bitter, this desolation of angels."

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Amber Hurdle

"Again, I lay awake, and I cried because of waste."

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Amber Hurdle

"Her endless, futile attempts to make her feelings known fell on stony ground. Slowly she retreated into the darkness where her dreams became reality and reality faded into the deep recesses of her soul...."

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Amber Hurdle

"One must not let oneself be overwhelmed by sadness."

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Amber Hurdle

"Sadness and boredom were more bearable than the effort of living a normal life. Perhaps the idea of death began to hover over her during that period, as a kind of higher order of lassitude in which she would not have to move the blood in her veins or the air in her lungs; her repose would be absolute- not to think, not to feel, not to be."

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Amber Hurdle

"The night surrounds, breathes across her skin. They're lost in the shadows of the moon."

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"I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer."
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"Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting."
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"Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down."
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"Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid."
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"The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example."
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"We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective."
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Dave Barry
"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."
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Dave Barry
"My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible."
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"Natives of the Florida Keys often refer to themselves as Conchs, and for good reason: They have been drinking."
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Dave Barry
"If a Greek woman tells you to do something, you do it."
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