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"Hermits have no peer pressure."
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"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
Car

"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
Friendship

"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
Time

"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
Now

"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."
Car

"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
People

"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."
Power

"Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it."
Press

"I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side."
Future

"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."
Purpose
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"Everyone smiles with that invisible gun to their head."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Knowledge causes depression and a lot of pressure."
Author Name
Personal Development

"The overwhelming pressure of mediocrity sluggish and indomitable as a glacier will mitigate the most violent and depress the most exalted revolution."
Author Name
Personal Development

"I was serving good but was returning especially well, which was a weakness in my game. So not only was I serving well, but I was also breaking these other guys, and they felt the pressure."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Enrollment in Colorado is expected to expand about 25 percent in seven years. It's very difficult to find those additional funds. Therefore, I think you're probably going to have increased pressure on tuition."
Author Name
Personal Development

"I think, on a larger note, that filmmakers and studios should start to tuck it in a little bit, because films wouldn't have the pressure they have if the word wasn't out about how expensive they were."
Author Name
Personal Development

"At this level, you put a lot of pressure on yourself as a player to perform and do well."
Author Name
Personal Development

"No pressure, no diamonds."
Author Name
Personal Development

"It takes the pressure off of your better players to know they don't always have to be on top of their game for the team to do well."
Author Name
Personal Development

"In those days there was not so much pressure on us."
Author Name
Personal Development
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