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Exlpore more Humor quotes
"Where did you find that one?''I have no idea. I'm a magnet for crazies, I guess.''They must be able to sense a kindred spirit.''Your one to talk. Don't you have more hordes of the undead to lead in a glorious revolution?''Zombies not undead. There's a fine distinction. And no. Right now I'm scouting new talent. The glorious revolution comes tomorrow."
"I should curl up in a ball and cry. Instead i think about everything in the whole entire world that makes me angry - There is a lot, oh, there is a lot - and I start singing Justin Bieber at the top of my lungs."
"Don't panic. Are you sitting? You probably don't need to sit. Well, possibly. At least lean on something."
"Ah, hell.His peripheral vision was working far too well tonight.His slut of a cousin, his cocksucking, suit-wearing, Montblanc-up-the-ass cousin Saxton the Magnificent, was standing next to the queen, looking like a combination of Cary Grant and some model in a goddamn cologne ad.Not that Qhuinn was bitter.Because the guy was sharing Blay's bed.Nah.Nope. Not at all.The Cocksucker-With a wince, he thought maybe he should switch that insult to something a little farther away from what the two of them ...God, he couldn't even go there. Not if he wanted to breathe."
"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."
"Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you."
"Was it animal pee or human pee? Someone asked.How would I know? What, am I an expert in the study of pee?"
"Did you talk to him about it?""Oh, sure. Nothing happened, yadda yadda. The usual. But my maydar went off like crazy.""Maydar?""As in, he may be thinking about super hot sex with her. Like radar, only not as sure."
Explore more quotes by M.F. Moonzajer
"Democracy, freedom and liberty do not make us more than what we are; it is our commitment that matters."
"If miracles represent prophecy, we must have more prophets in twenty first century than the entire human history."
"Religion serves all of us; men, women, gays, straights, blacks, whites, Americans and Indians. If it does not comply with our needs, wishes and happiness, then religion without a doubt is a plague that must be stopped."
"No one cares how long you kept yourself virgin and how loyal you are, everyone is looking for a hole to play with."
"I can eat you at breakfast, not because I am a monster; it is only because you are too cute and yummy."
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