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Robert Orben

"There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all."

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"There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all."

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"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."

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"Roused by the lash of his own stubborn tail our lion now will foreign foes assail."

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"The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire."

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"If matters go badly now, they will not always be so."

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"For years I wanted to be older, and now I am."

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"The month of January, we were number one. Now, this is something we're proud of, because we recognize we're up against a formidable operation there at CNN."

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"In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted."

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"If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative."

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"It is a cliche these days to observe that the United States now possesses a global empire - different from Britain's and Rome's but an empire nonetheless."

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Asa Don Brown

"We knew Chris Matthews had no shame. Now we also know the king of TV ghouls has no souls."

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Robert Orben
"With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!"
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Robert Orben
"Quit worrying about your health. It will go away."
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Robert Orben
"Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards."
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Robert Orben
"I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself."
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Robert Orben
"Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian."
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Robert Orben
"Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch."
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Robert Orben
"Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price."
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Robert Orben
"Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings."
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Robert Orben
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
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Robert Orben
"Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet."
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