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Robert Orben

"There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all."

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"There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all."

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"Most everyone now personally knows someone who is openly homosexual."

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"I am now seventy, rather glad, really, that I won't live to see the horrors to come in the 21st century."

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"Students now arrive at the university ignorant and cynical about our political heritage, lacking the wherewithal to be either inspired by it or seriously critical of it."

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"One hundred and ten years from now no one who is here now will be alive."

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"There's a part of me that wishes I'd never said one single solitary word on any subject publicly. Then I could have been the tortured poet, and there's so much mileage in that. But it's too late to stop now."

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"For instance, it's a little better now than it was two or three years ago, but something like 70% of the poems I receive seem to be written in the present indicative."

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"If you have tears, prepare to shed them now."

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"I take responsibility for myself and what I do now."

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"I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller, but without the vocabulary to actually be Dennis Miller. I guess I was just less interesting than I am now, if I am interesting at all."

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"I don't like directors that just say, Stand there and now do this."

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"Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get."
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"Do your kids a favor - don't have any."
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Robert Orben
"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
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Robert Orben
"With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!"
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Robert Orben
"Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'"
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Robert Orben
"Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings."
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Robert Orben
"I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself."
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Robert Orben
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
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Robert Orben
"A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success."
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Robert Orben
"Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price."
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