"Seth discovered that night that he had two extra stomachs, one for vodka and one for overeating."

Humor, Excess, Observation, Humanity

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"Seth discovered that night that he had two extra stomachs, one for vodka and one for overeating."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

Anthony Liccione, American Author

Humor, Trust, Mistake, Learning

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

Michael Bassey Johnson, Nigerian Philosopher

Humor, Comedy, Stupidity, Life, Love

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Confusion, Logic, Irony

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

C. JoyBell C., American Author

Humor, Self, Life, Joy

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

Richelle Mead, American Author

Humor, Dance, Sex, Judgment

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Women, Needs, Attention

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Weight, Warning, Technology

"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."

Agatha Christie, English Writer

Humor, Aging, Appearance, Truth

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, Marriage, Change, Responsibility, Life

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

Chuck Palahniuk, American Novelist

Humor, Death, Danger, Irony

Explore more quotes by Kenneth Eade

"But, in making the sacrifices that the Government asks us to make, we are not protecting our freedom. We are giving away our freedom in exchange for a false sense of security."

Freedom

"It was as impersonal as the Internet itself, the object responsible for connecting you to long lost people in your life, and many new ones, none of whom you will ever see."

Technology

"When they say whatever you say may be used against you, they mean it!"

Law

"Politics should be a field that attracts statesmen, not future CEO's and board members."

Governance

"Once you deposit that money in your checking account, it becomes the bank's money and you're just another one of their creditors."

Finance

"He was right, and the pursuit of justice was also a game, where one man or woman employed by the Government, or sometimes twelve men and women, decided the fate of another. Whether or not that decision was just depended on your point of view. The winner usually thought it was a just result: The loser bore the consequences."

Justice

"He didn't see a man with hopes and dreams, with disappointments and accomplishments. All he saw in front of him was just another nigger."

Justice

"The test of any relationship is, when the going gets tough, whether your partner stays with you or 'gets going'."

Relationship

"It's not going to be easy, but it's kind of like ripping off a band-aid. Painful for a minute, but it has to be done."

Effort

"Fairness is a term that is interpreted different ways. For the government, fair is whatever suits their needs."

Justice