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"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"
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"The children of the revolution are always ungrateful, and the revolution must be grateful that it is so."

"The thing I want more than anything else? I want to have children. I used to feel for every child I had, I would adopt another."

"If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others."
Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific."

"You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something."

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."

"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"

"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."

"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."
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