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"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"
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"More than Captain America your kids need Amelia Earhart " more than Ant Man, they need Abraham Lincoln - more than Green Arrow they need Gandhi " more than Iron Man they need Isaac Newton."
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Personal Development
"Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children."
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Personal Development
"Let us take our children seriously! Everything else follows from this... only the best is good enough for a child."
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Personal Development
"We want better reasons for having children than not knowing how to prevent them."
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Personal Development
"There are few things more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own."
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Personal Development
"Is adult entertainment killing our children? or is killing our children entertaining our adults?"
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Personal Development
"Children wish fathers looked but with their eyes; fathers that children with their judgment looked; and either may be wrong."
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Personal Development
"I've been in a serious conversation with one of my children, and a fan has come up. I've been in a public bathroom and had the hand come under the stall with a paper and pen. That sort of thing anybody can live without."
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Personal Development
"The first duty to children is to make them happy. If you have not made them so, you have wronged them. No other good they may get can make up for that."
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Personal Development
"Still, most of those effects occur in the context of harmless play and it is patently obvious that children are not normally turned into aggressive little monsters by TV or video games, since most children do not become aggressive little monsters."
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"My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set."
Sister
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"
Children
"I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle."
Water
"I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart."
People
"People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky."
Life
"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
Plants
"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."
Fun
"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."
Girlfriend
"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."
Tennis
"All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me."
Funny
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