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Mitch Hedberg

"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"

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"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"

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Amber Hurdle

"Children dwell in their dreams. Get them the wings and they'll fly."

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Amber Hurdle

"Gift the children corruption free nation. Happy Children's day."

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Amber Hurdle

"The children of the revolution are always ungrateful, and the revolution must be grateful that it is so."

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Amber Hurdle

"Children wish fathers looked but with their eyes; fathers that children with their judgment looked; and either may be wrong."

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Amber Hurdle

"You know, my children go to a local, local catholic school just down the road."

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Amber Hurdle

"The thing I want more than anything else? I want to have children. I used to feel for every child I had, I would adopt another."

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Amber Hurdle

"Find a good teacher, as I found for my sons. I feel the worst thing you can do is to try and teach your own children yourself, because there is a natural rebellion that occurs."

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Amber Hurdle

"It eats you up. It eats you up. And you have to - I had a lot of help. I had a lot of therapy. And I was able to - because it was hard, you know, to - you can't just lay it on friends and children."

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Amber Hurdle

"If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others."

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Amber Hurdle

"I don't like to be gone all weekend and at night too. Because for 20 years, I've had children who are in school."

Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

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Mitch Hedberg
"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific."
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Mitch Hedberg
"You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones."
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Mitch Hedberg
"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"
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Mitch Hedberg
"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle."
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Mitch Hedberg
"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart."
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Mitch Hedberg
"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
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