"Let's just say he has too many pigeons on his antenna."

Humor, Mind, Distraction

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"Let's just say he has too many pigeons on his antenna."

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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

Anthony Liccione, American Author

Humor, Trust, Mistake, Learning

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

Michael Bassey Johnson, Nigerian Philosopher

Humor, Comedy, Stupidity, Life, Love

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

C. JoyBell C., American Author

Humor, Self, Life, Joy

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

Richelle Mead, American Author

Humor, Dance, Sex, Judgment

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Weight, Warning, Technology

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, Marriage, Change, Responsibility, Life

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

Chuck Palahniuk, American Novelist

Humor, Death, Danger, Irony

"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Humor, Truth, Happiness, Power

"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, Marriage, Leg, Respect

"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."

Charles Dickens, English Novelist

Humor, Words

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"Don't look back, you are not going that way."

Motivational

"It is difficult for a man laden with riches to climb the steep path, that leads to bliss."

Spiritual

"Whoever has My commandments and keeps them loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and show Myself to him."

Spiritual

"My kid asked if he could borrow ten dollars. When I only gave him five dollars he said "Okay since you owe me the other five dollars we'll call it even.""

Humor

"A politican is an animal who can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground."

Humor

"God tells us to burden him with whatever burdens us."

Spiritual

"Women who display themselves as sex objects do not represent women as a gender anymore than the chippendales or Ron Jeremy represent you. Women are not a homogenous group who all get together to decide how or who they will be."

Truth

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."

"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."

Explore more quotes by Anonymous

"Don't look back, you are not going that way."

"It is difficult for a man laden with riches to climb the steep path, that leads to bliss."

"Whoever has My commandments and keeps them loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and show Myself to him."

"None are so blind as those who will not see."

"Humility is not thinking less of myself, but thinking about myself less."

"A fair price for oil is whatever you can get plus ten to twenty per cent."

"My kid asked if he could borrow ten dollars. When I only gave him five dollars he said "Okay since you owe me the other five dollars we'll call it even.""

"A politican is an animal who can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground."

"God tells us to burden him with whatever burdens us."

"Women who display themselves as sex objects do not represent women as a gender anymore than the chippendales or Ron Jeremy represent you. Women are not a homogenous group who all get together to decide how or who they will be."