"A professional headshot in front of a bookshelf says you're an intellectual. A professional headshot peeking though a bookshelf says you're probably under a restraining order."

Humor, Observation, Truth, Identity

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"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"

John Green, American Author

Humor, Social, Truth, Life

"The real satire starts when I'm shockingly mocked,not mockingly shocked."

Munia Khan, Bangladeshi Poet

Humor, Satire, Criticism, Truth

"He has got no good red blood in his body," said Sir James."No. Somebody put a drop under a magnifying glass, and it was all semicolons and parentheses," said Mrs. Cadwallader."

George Eliot, British Author

Humor, Wit, Blood, Language

"CHARTERIS [unfolding his arms in terror] No, please. Dont. As a philosopher, it's my business to tell other people the truth; but it's not their business to tell it to me. I dont like it: it hurts."

George Bernard Shaw, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Philosophy, Truth, Hurt, Irony

"How was I supposed to know 'lucked out' means 'I got screwed over' in Australian?"

Elle Lothlorien, American Novelist

Humor, Culture, Observation, Learning

"I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'too much money and not enough things to spend it on."

Elle Lothlorien, American Novelist

Humor, Wealth, Excess, Irony, Consumption

"Where did you find that one?''I have no idea. I'm a magnet for crazies, I guess.''They must be able to sense a kindred spirit.''Your one to talk. Don't you have more hordes of the undead to lead in a glorious revolution?''Zombies not undead. There's a fine distinction. And no. Right now I'm scouting new talent. The glorious revolution comes tomorrow."

Kiersten White, American Author

Humor, Fiction, Creativity, Observation

"I realized women and humor were linked very closely."

Craig Ferguson, Scottish Comedian

Humor, Women, Life, Creativity

"A good joke doesn't necessarily need appreciation from others. One can freely laugh at one's own deserving jokes."

Pawan Mishra, Indian Author

Humor, Truth, Observation, Happiness

"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice."

Albert Einstein, German Scientist

Humor, Contempt, Music, Order

Explore more quotes by Ryan Lilly

"Carve-out a niche, craft a personal pitch, push-out content and your brand is enriched."

Business

"Stop waiting for creative inspiration. Start creating and inspire yourself along the way."

Initiative

"Legacy accounting: Will you have been an asset or a liability on the world's balance sheet?"

Legacy

"Look yourself in the eyes in a mirror each day. You can ignore the small voice still inside you, but your reflection will always have something to say."

Self

"When I first tried a sensory deprivation tank, people thought I had lost my mind. In fact, I had found it."

Mindfulness

"Not only should we encourage kids to daydream, but also to jump-in and build those dreams. Dreaming is largely lost among adults drowning in self-imposed realities."

Dreams

"Unwavering incremental change can create remarkable and monumental results."

Progress

"Rebels revel in rewriting reality's restrictions."

Rebellion

"The smell of new office supplies is so satisfying while being kicked out of Staples for inappropriate behavior with a file folder is so embarrassing."

Humor

"The heart pointed to the brain and said with great disdain, "Those who live their lives in here live the lives most full of fear."

Duality