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Keith Waterhouse

"Should not the Society of Indexers be know as Indexers, Society of, The?"

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"Should not the Society of Indexers be know as Indexers, Society of, The?"

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Amber Hurdle

"Foulmouthed individuals seem to have their neuron systems replaced by colon structures, given that their terminology profusely consists of "sh*t and f*ck". ['Tolerance zero']"

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Amber Hurdle

"The walls, where there was room, were well decorated with calendars and posters showing bright, improbable girls with pumped-up breasts and no hips - blondes, brunettes and redheads, but always with this bust development, so that a visitor of another species might judge from the preoccupation of artist and audience that the seat of procreation lay in the mammaries. Alice Chicoy...who worked among the shining girls, was wide-hipped and sag-chested and she walked well back on her heels...She was not in the least jealous of the calendar girls and the Coca-Cola girls. She had never seen anyone like them, and she didn't think anyone ever had."

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Amber Hurdle

"Will liked to live so that no one could find fault with him, and to do that he had to live as nearly like other people as possible."

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Amber Hurdle

"I used to jog but it's bad for the knees. Too much beta carotene turns you orange, too much calcium gives you kidney stones. Health kills."

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Amber Hurdle

"Chomie' is South African homosexual men's unofficial name."

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Amber Hurdle

"The secular world often finds its constituents disenfranchised and solitary as it has spent a great deal of time debating the religious community while failing to build a true community of its own."

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Amber Hurdle

"Show me a man or a woman alone and I'll show you a saint. Give me two and they'll fall in love. Give me three and they'll invent the charming thing we call 'society'. Give me four and they'll build a pyramid. Give me five and they'll make one an outcast. Give me six and they'll reinvent prejudice. Give me seven and in seven years they'll reinvent warfare. Man may have been made in the image of God, but human society was made in the image of His opposite number, and is always trying to get back home."

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Amber Hurdle

"Most kids don't give a hoot in hell for brains; they go a penny a pound, and the kid with the high I.Q. who can't play baseball or at least come in third in the local circle jerk is everybody's fifth wheel."

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Amber Hurdle

"Fighting for peace, is like f***ing for chastity."

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Amber Hurdle

"I and the girl in the picture have ceased to be the same person. I am her outcome, the result of the life she once lived headlong; whereas she, if she can be said to exist at all, is composed only of what I remember. I have the better view - I can see her clearly, most of the time. But even if she knew enough to look, she can't see me at all."

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Keith Waterhouse
"I turn over a new leaf every day. But the blots show through."
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Keith Waterhouse
"Should not the Society of Indexers be know as Indexers, Society of, The?"
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