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Johnny Carson

"I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive."

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"I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive."

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A.E. Samaan

"Single women have a dreadful propensity for being poor. Which is one very strong argument in favor of matrimony."

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A.E. Samaan

"It sometimes happens that a woman is handsomer at twenty-nine than she was ten years before."

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A.E. Samaan

"There are few virtuous women who are not bored with their trade."

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A.E. Samaan

"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his."

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A.E. Samaan

"The faces of most American women over thirty are relief maps of petulant and bewildered unhappiness."

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A.E. Samaan

"We say that slavery has vanished from European civilization, but this is not true. Slavery still exists, but now it applies only to women and its name is prostitution."

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A.E. Samaan

"Whether they give or refuse, it delights women just the same to have been asked."

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A.E. Samaan

"I hate women because they always know where things are."

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A.E. Samaan

"You can find women who have never had an affair, but it is hard to find a woman who has had just one."

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A.E. Samaan

"The Cause of Women is generally the Cause of Virtue."

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Johnny Carson
"I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing."
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"People will pay more to be entertained than educated."
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Johnny Carson
"Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill."
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Johnny Carson
"I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself."
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Johnny Carson
"New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved."
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Johnny Carson
"Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do."
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Johnny Carson
"For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off."
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Johnny Carson
"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
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Johnny Carson
"We're more effective than birth control pills."
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Johnny Carson
"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."
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