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"The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board."
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"How far you can go without destroying from within what you are trying to defend from without?"
"Americans are very friendly and very suspicious, that is what Americans are and that is what always upsets the foreigner, who deals with them, they are so friendly how can they be so suspicious they are so suspicious how can they be so friendly but they just are."
"We don't start a job that we can't finish... that's the American way."
"It's clear price gouging... The oil companies are gouging the American citizenry aggressively, relentlessly, and without any sense of conscience whatsoever."
"The oil companies are gouging the American citizenry aggressively, relentlessly, and without any sense of conscience whatsoever."
Explore more quotes by Dennis Miller
"A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away."
"A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run."
"You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R."
"President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which."
"Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again."
"What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy."
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