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"The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board."
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"I applied to American Repertory School up at Harvard at got in."
"There are actually quite high profile British TV star cameos in it that you probably wouldn't even notice, that the British wouldn't even notice, let alone the American audience."
"I think The Exorcist is the best American horror movie ever made. Friedkin was at the top of his game."
"Loneliness seems to have become the great American disease."
"Less Than Zero and American Psycho were both really different, so I was just like, Okay, he's just really doesn't have anything pleasant to say, you know? But I get it. I get at least why it's difficult and what he's really doing."
"Let's deal with reality. The reality is that we will be reading Miranda rights to the corpse of Osama bin Laden. He will never appear in an American courtroom."
"How far you can go without destroying from within what you are trying to defend from without?"
"I'm not a Democrat, I'm not a Republican-I'm an American, I'm a human."
"American future lies in the East. The great free markets of the Pacific Rim are the American destiny."
Explore more quotes by Dennis Miller
"You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R."
"President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which."
"A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious. He is a white man who lives far, far away."
"A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run."
"What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy."
"Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels."
"Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet."
"Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again."
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