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"The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board."
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"How far you can go without destroying from within what you are trying to defend from without?"

"The whole Indian thing, I always say it's really the American holocaust. It's something we need to look at."

"All of the books in the world contain no more information than is broadcast as video in a single large American city in a single year. Not all bits have equal value."

"I'm very aware when I'm speaking to the English of how flat my Mid-Atlantic American voice is."

"American audiences tend to be more expressive than British ones."
Explore more quotes by Dennis Miller

"I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust me. I'm just doing stand-up comedy."

"Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?"

"What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. It's like a shock and aw shucks campaign."

"Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels."

"President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which."

"Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways."
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