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"An original thought would crack your feeble skull like a thunderbolt, you craven vulture."
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"Sister? Jessie Kay scowled. "Do I really look like his sister? I clearly come from grade-A stock while his ancestors made a few poor choices along the way."

"Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal."

"I like Frenchmen very much, because even when they insult you they do it so nicely."

"Each of us carries within himself a collection of instant insults."
Explore more quotes by Christopher Moore

"I'm beginning to wonder,' said Kent, sitting down now on an overturned wooden tub. 'Who do I serve? Why am I here?'You are here, because, in the expanding ethical ambiguity of our situation, you are steadfast in your righteousness. It is to you, our banished friend, that we all turn-a light amid the dark dealings of family and politics. You are the moral backbone on which the rest of us hang our bloody bits. Without you we are merely wiggly masses of desire writhing in our own devious bile.'Really?' asked the old knight.Aye,' said I.I'm not sure I want to keep company with you lot, then."

"No matter where he went in the City, there was an odoriferous mix of food and vehicles, like the alchemic concoctions of some mad gourmet mechanic: Kung Pao Saab Turbo, Buick Skylark Carbonara, Sweet-and-Sour Metro Bus, Honda Bolognese with Burning Clutch Sauce."

"I'm feeling full of tiny princes, bustling to get out into the world and start plotting against one another."

"The Painting is not shit,' said Lucien.'I know,' said Henri. 'That was just part of the subterfuge. I am of royal lineage; subterfuge is one of the many talents we carry in our blood, along with guile and hemophilia."

"And I'll have you know that if you hurt my son again, if he so much as sighs sadly over his coffee, I will hire a man, a Russian, probably, to hunt you down and rip all that shiny black hair from your head, then break your skinny arms and legs, and set you on fire, and then put you out with a hammer. And should there be children from your beastly rutting, I shall have the Russian man cut them to tiny pieces and feed them to Madame Jacob's dog. because, although he may be only a worthless, simpleminded, libertine artist, Lucien is my favorite, and I will not have him hurt. Do you understand?"

"So I'm all, 'Owned! Bee-yatch! Dog fucking owned you!' Doing a minor booty dance of ownage, perhaps, in retrospect, a bit prematurely. (I believe hip-hop to be the apprpriate language for taunting, at least until I learn French.)"

"But she's a redhead, so she's probably evil, even at her tender age.''I thought you liked redheads.''I do. What's your point?"

"Mr. Asher, you can resist who you are for only so long. Finally, you just decide to go with fate."
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