"Every time I so much as blink you get an erection."

Humor, Embarrassment, Relationship, Honesty

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"Every time I so much as blink you get an erection."

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"He smiles, and he's made of trouble. We should have dropped him in the Thames in a bag of stones. We should have left him out for the fairies."

Rainbow Rowell, American Author

Humor, Danger, Trouble, Judgment

"Rogerson," I asked him sweetly as we sat watching a video in the pool house, "where would I find the pelagic zone?""In the open sea," he said. "Now shut up and eat your Junior Mints."

Sarah Dessen, American Author

Humor, Knowledge, Curiosity, Learning

"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Life, Regret

"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."

Abraham Lincoln, American Politician

Humor, Coffee, Tea, President

"I liked the humor of it, I've always enjoyed a sense of humor in God and in religion and in spirituality."

Amber Tamblyn, American Actress

Humor, Religion, God, Sense

"A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those worth committing."

Samuel Butler, British Poet

Humor, Man, Sense, Will

"Christ and The Church: If he were to apply for a divorce on the grounds of cruelty, adultery and desertion, he would probably get one."

Samuel Butler, British Poet

Humor, Adultery, Christ, Cruelty, Divorce

"There's a hysterical, tired sense of humor that comes after working 14 hours a day, six days a week. I like those things because they take the pressure off the constant stress."

Tom Berenger, American Actor

Humor, Day, Pressure, Sense

"England has forty-two religions and only two sauces."

Voltaire, French Writer

Humor, Religion, Diversity, Culture

"God is a comedian playing to an audience that is too afraid to laugh."

Voltaire, French Writer

Humor, God, Comedy, Fear, Laughter

Explore more quotes by Carla H. Krueger

"It's better to be remembered for what you said, not what you earned."

Legacy

"I live, love and loathe my characters. They stole my mind. They stole my heart."

Art

"Youngsters deserve no opinions."

Growth

"Don't mock my suggestions, Ridley " one day in the near future, they might just save your life. Maxwell D. Kalist."

Advice

"Are there not times, Ridley, when you yourself wish only to hear the best in people " and not to be dragged downwards into the underworld we all regularly inhabit?"

Hope

"When I write, it feels like there are two little creatures that sit on each of my shoulders. One whispers, 'You can do this. You've got what it takes.' The other sounds like my mother-in-law."

Motivation

"On some days she was able to see both sun and moon at the same time. Like feuding cousins, they hung in two corners of the vast world-ceiling refusing to look at one another. The moon was always harder to spot and more faded, but it was there if you looked, as many things were."

Nature

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"He smiles, and he's made of trouble. We should have dropped him in the Thames in a bag of stones. We should have left him out for the fairies."

"Rogerson," I asked him sweetly as we sat watching a video in the pool house, "where would I find the pelagic zone?""In the open sea," he said. "Now shut up and eat your Junior Mints."

"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."

"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."

"I liked the humor of it, I've always enjoyed a sense of humor in God and in religion and in spirituality."

"A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those worth committing."

"Christ and The Church: If he were to apply for a divorce on the grounds of cruelty, adultery and desertion, he would probably get one."

"There's a hysterical, tired sense of humor that comes after working 14 hours a day, six days a week. I like those things because they take the pressure off the constant stress."

"England has forty-two religions and only two sauces."

"God is a comedian playing to an audience that is too afraid to laugh."

Explore more quotes by Carla H. Krueger

"It's better to be remembered for what you said, not what you earned."

"I live, love and loathe my characters. They stole my mind. They stole my heart."

"Youngsters deserve no opinions."

"Don't mock my suggestions, Ridley " one day in the near future, they might just save your life. Maxwell D. Kalist."

"Are there not times, Ridley, when you yourself wish only to hear the best in people " and not to be dragged downwards into the underworld we all regularly inhabit?"

"When I write, it feels like there are two little creatures that sit on each of my shoulders. One whispers, 'You can do this. You've got what it takes.' The other sounds like my mother-in-law."

"The most lies we will ever tell in our lives will be to ourselves."

"My best writing happens when I'm fighting to produce it."

"People who don't read fiction are scared of what's inside their own heads."

"On some days she was able to see both sun and moon at the same time. Like feuding cousins, they hung in two corners of the vast world-ceiling refusing to look at one another. The moon was always harder to spot and more faded, but it was there if you looked, as many things were."