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"Housework, if you do it right, will kill you."
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"I felt weary of the responsibility of owning houses and was glad enough to pass mine on to others."

"We have a maxim in the House of Commons, and written on the walls of our houses, that old ways are the safest and surest ways."

"Like flats of today, terraces of houses gained a certain anonymity from identical facades following identical floor plans and heights."

"The more enlightened our houses are, the more their walls ooze ghosts."

"The corridor is hardly ever found in small houses, apart from the verandah, which also serves as a corridor."

"You do not build your own houses, nor make your own garments, nor bake your own bread, simply because you know that if you were to attempt all these things they would all be more or less ill done."

"I am now a turtle. Virtually everything I own is on my back and suffice it to say I am one ton lighter and therefore 2,000 pounds happier. All houses are gone."

"We all came from houses with doors, doors that were supposed to be closed when there were things going on that we weren't supposed to see, and when our pants were down."
Explore more quotes by Erma Bombeck


"For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward."


"When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911."


"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'."
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