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Steven Wright

"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."

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"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect."

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Assegid Habtewold

"Women never stalk men, they just research them intensely."

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"Tell, tell more sounds interesting and little familiar..."

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"Magic is only unexplained science. Science is explained magic. When I study science, I study magic. When I study magic, I study science."

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"Sometimes you have to wonder until you start to wonder why you are even wondering."

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"Belief is a shelter, a prison for a curious mind."

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"When you're an astronomer, you always have stars in your eyes."

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"When the unknown becomes known, we lose something very big: The beauty of mystery!"

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"What are your interests?""Your son in my room," I said."Excuse me?""The sun and the moon," I said. "Astronomy."

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"Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry."

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"Albert grunted. "Do you know what happens to lads who ask too many questions?"Mort thought for a moment."No," he said eventually, "what?"There was silence.Then Albert straightened up and said, "Damned if I know. Probably they get answers, and serve 'em right."

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Steven Wright
"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"

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Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."

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Steven Wright
"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."

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"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."

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Steven Wright
"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."

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Steven Wright
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."

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Steven Wright
"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."

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Steven Wright
"I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything."

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Steven Wright
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."

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Steven Wright
"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."

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