"I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again."

Bed, Beds, Hate, Months

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"I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again."

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"In reality, everyone is good in bed. Close eyes. Shutdown brain. Pause as necessary. Restart brain. Open eyes. What's there to not be good at? Bed is the one place where laziness is rewarded."

John Dobbin, American Artist

Bed, Eyes, Laziness, Open

"I lay in the bed at the hospital and said, 'let's see what I have left.' And I could see, I could speak, I could think, I could read. I simply tabulated my blessings, and that gave me a start."

Dale Evans, American Actress

Bed, Blessings

"Teach me to live, that I may dread The grave as little as my bed."

Thomas Ken, English Clergyman

Bed, Grave, May

"Willie Mays was the best ever. When I was in college I once made a catch like the one Mays made over his head. Sometimes when I'm lying in bed at night I think about it. It still makes me warm."

David Duchovny, American Actor

Bed, College, Lying, Night

"The result was that, if it happened to clear off after a cloudy evening, I frequently arose from my bed at any hour of the night or morning and walked two miles to the observatory to make some observation included in the programme."

Simon Newcomb, Canadian Mathematician

Bed, Evening, Night, Observation

"I would bend over backward to be back on Grey's. Any day, I'll choose lying in bed with Katherine Heigl looking over me over getting thrown against walls by supernatural persons at 5 in the morning."

Jeffrey Dean Morgan, American Actor

Bed, Day, Lying, Supernatural

"We've never played at this place before. This place is big, and I'm kinda nervous, so we're going to make it feel small by pretending we're in a... bedroom. We'll hang off the edge of the bed, take off our shoes and get naked!"

Dave Matthews, South African Musician

Bed,

"When I'm in bed with a woman, my favorite move is a wrestling hold called the lip lock."

Jerry Lawler, American Entertainer

Bed, Favorite, Woman, Wrestling

"I think my real depressions started when I was about 16 and doing The Patty Duke Show. I would go to bed at about 10 o'clock on a Friday night and not get up again until 6:30 Monday morning."

Patty Duke, American Actress

Bed, Night

"I pushed myself way too hard during the first year of Veronica Mars and I got moody and run-down. Now I'll go to bed early instead of going out with friends. It's not always the most fun option, but I know I need at least eight hours of sleep to feel balanced."

Kristen Bell, American Actress

Bed, First, Friends, Fun

Explore more quotes by Joan Rivers

"I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

Baby

"If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor."

God

"A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp."

Man

"I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking."

Saying

"The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found."

Beauty

"It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who."

Sex

"Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds."

Food

69

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Exlpore more Bed quotes

"In reality, everyone is good in bed. Close eyes. Shutdown brain. Pause as necessary. Restart brain. Open eyes. What's there to not be good at? Bed is the one place where laziness is rewarded."

"I lay in the bed at the hospital and said, 'let's see what I have left.' And I could see, I could speak, I could think, I could read. I simply tabulated my blessings, and that gave me a start."

"Teach me to live, that I may dread The grave as little as my bed."

"Willie Mays was the best ever. When I was in college I once made a catch like the one Mays made over his head. Sometimes when I'm lying in bed at night I think about it. It still makes me warm."

"The result was that, if it happened to clear off after a cloudy evening, I frequently arose from my bed at any hour of the night or morning and walked two miles to the observatory to make some observation included in the programme."

"I would bend over backward to be back on Grey's. Any day, I'll choose lying in bed with Katherine Heigl looking over me over getting thrown against walls by supernatural persons at 5 in the morning."

"We've never played at this place before. This place is big, and I'm kinda nervous, so we're going to make it feel small by pretending we're in a... bedroom. We'll hang off the edge of the bed, take off our shoes and get naked!"

"When I'm in bed with a woman, my favorite move is a wrestling hold called the lip lock."

"I think my real depressions started when I was about 16 and doing The Patty Duke Show. I would go to bed at about 10 o'clock on a Friday night and not get up again until 6:30 Monday morning."

"I pushed myself way too hard during the first year of Veronica Mars and I got moody and run-down. Now I'll go to bed early instead of going out with friends. It's not always the most fun option, but I know I need at least eight hours of sleep to feel balanced."

Explore more quotes by Joan Rivers

"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."

"Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer."

"It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom."

"I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

"If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor."

"A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp."

"I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking."

"The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found."

"It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who."

"Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds."