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"And as their penile pain began to subside, the two men were able to form more complex thoughts, resulting in a collaborative work: the development of a worldview that might be described as 'penilosophy."
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"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."

"They lack suggestive power. And when a book lacks suggestive power, however hard it hits the surface of the mind it cannot penetrate within."

"To me she said, "It's this stupid gotcha thing, they've been doing it for weeks now. Leaping out at each other and us, scaring the hell out of everyone.""It's a game of wits," Bert said to me."Half-wits," Kristy added."

"Epic sex?" I sputtered. "By what standards, precisely, is sex judged to be epic?""And tons and tons of mortal simps like you used as pawns." Bob sighed happily, ignoring my question. "There are no words. It was like the Lord of the Rings and All My Children made a baby with the Macho Man Randy Savage and a Whac-A-Mole machine."

"I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line."
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"He clearly suffers from some past traumas too, so hopefully he'll understand why I was untruthful to him about mine."

"The male tax?'Yeah. The tax that men have to pay for not having to menstruate every month. Or risk getting pregnant. Or deal with the physically stronger sex in a macho world Women have to put up with all that stuff, so the least we men can do is pay the male tax and get the tab."

"So your theory would seem to be that lying to yourself is no lie at all because you haven't deceived any third party. And if you then convince yourself of those lies, you'll believe them enough to repeat them to other with the genuine conviction that they're true. 'Something like that, I conceded uneasily."

"Sometimes violence is necessary to prevent even more violence, I concluded, almost as if it were an epiphany."

"My past still haunts me when I sleep, although I saw that - much to my surprise- his does as well."

"I got it! I got it! Heeb declared triumphantly. Evan stopped in the middle of his kitchenette to hear Heeb's idea. 'Sex in the Title.'Yeah, that's what you've been saying I need.'No, that's the title: 'Sex in the Title.''You want me to call my novel 'Sex in the Title?''Yeah. Isn't it great?"

"Still not sure about how easily he could be integrated into their posse, Trevor smiled in delighted relief at how tolerantly two of his close friends had received his new identity."

"At one point, I began to think that I had a divine doorman. Lenny was the most unlikely incarnation of God I could imagine, and yet, I kept drifting irresistibly towards this absurd conclusion. Despite my staunchly atheistic inclinations, I couldn't explain Lenny any other way. But eventually I came to my senses and realized that he was just one of those game show freaks with an encyclopedic memory. That didn't make him God, did it? Would God proclaim so regularly how much he likes Patsy's Pizza?"

"What's SQ? asked Evan.'Sexual Quotient.'What's that?'Basically, it's your odds of getting laid. Everyone has an SQ. just like everyone has an IQ.'I've never heard that term before.'That's because I made it up.'That figures. Finally applying your actuarial skills to what really matters, eh?"

"Paradoxically, the more Michael kept me at a distance, the more I trusted him - perhaps because he was always willing to help me with tips and introductions even though he wanted absolutely nothing from me (and never reciprocated my nosiness with personal questions of his own with me)."
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