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"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."
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"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
Car
"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
Friendship
"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
Time
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
Now
"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."
Car
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
People
"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."
Power
"Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it."
Press
"I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side."
Future
"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."
Purpose
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"That most limited of all specialists, the "well-rounded man"."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The world system is employment."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Police officers are poorly paid for a very stressful job that has them in very high powered radio frequency (RF) fields and in a daily environment that may result in them being assaulted, maimed or killed."
Author Name
Personal Development
"A butler supplies food to nourish your body, but a writer nourishes your mind through writing."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I was cranked to a fifth gear, and everything I did, I did on a deadline."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Do not be weary to make money."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My favourite all-time work of fiction: Lord of the Rings. My favourite all-time nonfiction book: Guns, Germs, and Steel. Ask me again next week, you'll get a different answer."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Employers are at their happiest on Mondays. Employees are at their happiest on Fridays."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Work was intended not to give a man a reason to live, but rather to give him a means to live."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Next to us is not the workman whom we have hired, with whom we love so well to talk, but the workman whose work we are."
Author Name
Personal Development
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