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Steven Wright

"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."

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"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."

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Asa Don Brown

"A butler supplies food to nourish your body, but a writer nourishes your mind through writing."

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Asa Don Brown

"Do not be weary to make money."

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Asa Don Brown

"Employers are at their happiest on Mondays. Employees are at their happiest on Fridays."

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Asa Don Brown

"Back then, work revolved around life. Today, life revolves around work."

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Asa Don Brown

"Do all the work you while you still have strength."

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Asa Don Brown

"A job is a contract whereby you sell out a bit of your life daily."

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Asa Don Brown

"Love by the sweat of thy brow.Not through whispered words of hollow sound or lofty dreams ne'er substance bound that more than oft do run aground. Nay, love with mighty, blistered hands that turn the soil and carve the land. A bearer of toil and golden band. Be strong! A founder of the feast! Protective knight who slays the beast! For promises and vows aloud are naught but wispy veneer shroud like cobwebs, frail, the airy words and wooing fail. So work, my darling. Toil as proof. Thy loyal heart be drained of youth and yet beat on, incessant sound. Both feet take root within the ground, and service be thy kingly crown.Love by the sweat of thy brow."

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Asa Don Brown

"Work like it is your passion, vision, and mission. Love like you are drunk with love without intermission."

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Asa Don Brown

"Your life content reduces with employment."

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Asa Don Brown

"A specialist's mind is a slave to his specialization."

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Steven Wright
"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."
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Steven Wright
"I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second."
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Steven Wright
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
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Steven Wright
"I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything."
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Steven Wright
"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."
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Steven Wright
"I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side."
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Steven Wright
"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose."
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Steven Wright
"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
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Steven Wright
"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."
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Steven Wright
"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."
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