"People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky."

Life, Thought, People, Dogs

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"People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky."

Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."

Dream, Dreams

"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"

Wrong,

"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."

Gambling, Play

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."

Tennis,

"It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky."

People,

"It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?"

People, Football, Now

"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific."

Night,

Exlpore more Life quotes

"Will a loving God send a man to hell? The answer from Jesus and His teachings of the Bible is, clearly, “Yes!” He does not send man willingly, but man condemns himself to eternal hell because . . .he refuses God's way of salvation and the hope of eternal life with Him."

Billy Graham, American Clergyman

Life, Hell, Optimism, Hope, Send

"The condition you're in at this moment is the product of your previous thoughts, to change your condition, change your thoughts."

Debasish Mridha, American Author

Personal Development

"Instead of clinging to the only Lifeboat that can save, we have tossed overboard biblical truths in the name of [compromise], living on the edge of life, like the man who rides the parameter of a hurricane, daring it to sweep him away."

Billy Graham, American Clergyman

Life, Instead, Clinging, Truth, Honesty

"There's one thing you can say for air pollution, you get utterly amazing sunrises."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Life, Today, Happiness, Inspirational, Truth

"There is always a path to our target, the problem is to discover it!"

Mehmet Murat ildan, Turkish Philosopher

Life, Path, Truth, Discovery

"Things past redress are now with me past care."

William Shakespeare, English Dramatist

Life, Regret, Truth, Wisdom

"Some parts of life are lived in the shadows where the only sunlight you feel is the light you pray for."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

Life, Regret, Truth, Power, Today

"Hate is hostility."

Lailah Gifty Akita, Ghanaian Author

Life, Hate, Hostility, Heart

"Money isn't the solution to your problems. It only lets you carry your unhappiness around in style."

Shannon L. Alder, American Author

Life, Money, Problems, Unhappiness, Style

"Collect memories, they are your precious property."

Debasish Mridha, American Author

Life, Memories, Property, Precious

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Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."

"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"

"I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle."

"I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down."

"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"

"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."

"It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky."

"It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?"

"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific."

Exlpore more Life quotes

"Will a loving God send a man to hell? The answer from Jesus and His teachings of the Bible is, clearly, “Yes!” He does not send man willingly, but man condemns himself to eternal hell because . . .he refuses God's way of salvation and the hope of eternal life with Him."

"The condition you're in at this moment is the product of your previous thoughts, to change your condition, change your thoughts."

Personal Development

"Instead of clinging to the only Lifeboat that can save, we have tossed overboard biblical truths in the name of [compromise], living on the edge of life, like the man who rides the parameter of a hurricane, daring it to sweep him away."

"There's one thing you can say for air pollution, you get utterly amazing sunrises."

"There is always a path to our target, the problem is to discover it!"

"Things past redress are now with me past care."

"Some parts of life are lived in the shadows where the only sunlight you feel is the light you pray for."

"Hate is hostility."

"Money isn't the solution to your problems. It only lets you carry your unhappiness around in style."

"Collect memories, they are your precious property."