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"Death is a distant rumor to the young."
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"I leaned against the desk, ran my hand over my father's paperwork, and picked up a pen. Turning around, I shoved it into my father's hand. 'What's this?' he asked, raising a brow. 'You'll need it to sign my death certificate, ' I said, pain vibrating my veins against my muscles and bones. 'Are we done now? (Eric)"

"It is difficult to accept death in this society because it is unfamiliar. In spite of the fact that it happens all the time, we never see it."
Explore more quotes by Andy Rooney

"Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose."

"Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives."

"The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread."

"I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you."

"People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe."

"Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys."

"I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran."

"We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones."
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