"Holly's theory about the army," Sharon explained.And what is it?" Denise asked, intrigued.Oh, that fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."

Humor, Irony, War, Peace, Observation

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"Holly's theory about the army," Sharon explained.And what is it?" Denise asked, intrigued.Oh, that fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Laughter, Wisdom, Mortality

"Pessimist - one who when he has the choice of two evils chooses both."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Pessimism, Evil, Choice, Irony

"Pardon my French if you're a religious man.''I am,' Bill said, grinning.'Then get outta my cab and go to fucking church,' the cabbie said, and they both burst out laughing."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Faith, Truth, Wisdom

"Mr. Bennet, how can you abuse your own children in such a way? Youtake delight in vexing me. You have no compassion for my poor nerves.""You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. Theyare my old friends. I have heard you mention them with considerationthese last twenty years at least."

Jane Austen, British Writer

Humor, Marriage, Family, Nerves

"You can be a little ungrammatical if you come from the right part of the country."

Robert Frost, American Poet

Humor, Country, Right

"April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, April, Fool, Day

"Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?I didn't think it polite to listen, sir."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Politeness, Listening, Conversation

"Never try to out-stubborn a cat."

Robert A. Heinlein, American Writer

Humor, Animals, Cats, Wisdom

"In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, God, Idiots, Practice, School

"I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Literary

Explore more quotes by Cecelia Ahern

"I don't know why, but there's always the part of you, the part that hides in the shadows protecting the self-destruct button, that doesn't ever want to leave the dark behind."

Psychology

"Yesterday was a closed book, tomorrow, however, was another story."

Life

"Fairy tales are such evil little stories for young children."

Children

"Maybe love is thinking that every time your partner does or says something mundane that you want to start a Mexican wave from here to Uzbekistan in utter delight."

Love

"Oh, I talk about things; I drive my husband insane. And I can't tell a lie. Everyone knows. I do this smile thing."

Life

"I learned something important that night. You shouldn't try to stop everything from happening. Sometimes you're supposed to feel awkward. Sometimes you're supposed to be vulnerable in front of people. Sometimes it's necessary because it's all part of you getting to the next part of yourself, the next day."

Growth

"Imagine you had a friend who was there for you all the time and you were there for them, but they stopped being there for you as much as they used to which you can understand a little because people have things to do, but then they're around less and less no matter how much you try to reach out to them. Then suddenly one day - nothing - they're gone. Just like that. Then you write to them, and you're ignored, and then you write to them again and you're ignored and finally you write to them for a third time and they barely even want to make the appointment, they're so busy with their job, their friends and their car. How would you feel?"

Relationship

"Truth is, something that I thought was perfect was taken away from me, and I never wanted perfect again. I wanted middle of the road, stuff I didn't care about so that I couldn't lose anything I really loved ever again."

Psychology

"Life is a series of moments and moments are always changing, just like thoughts, negative and positive."

Philosophy

"I try to focus, but I can't. I know why I'm here, and then I don't know why I'm here. I understand, then I don't. I think it's fair, and then I don't. I wish I'd never done what I'd done, and then I'm glad I did."

Psychology