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"Flying from the U.S. to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school."
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"The Scarehouse is like Turkey Soap. The Girl House is better as a film!"

"I never understood what Jaime saw in you, apart from his own reflection."

"The dividing line between those who will be great and those who will be mediocre is the amount of time each person converts into added value to himself."

"What an ugly beast the ape, and how like us."

"The moment you compare yourself with another, you become inferior or superior."

"It is said, that in Holland Interest is lower than in England."

"The Canadian spirit is cautious, observant and critical where the American is assertive."
Explore more quotes by Dave Barry

"I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating."

"Kakimi chertyami oni viigrali holodnuyu voinu?'This translates roughly to: 'How the hell did these people win the Cold War?"

"There's nothing wrong with enjoying looking at the surface of the ocean itself, except that when you finally see what goes on underwater,you realize that you've been missing the whole point of the ocean. Staying on the surface all the time is like going to the circus and staring at the outside of the tent."

"Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth."

"This is the funniest book I've ever held in my hands. --Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize winning humorist and author says about Radical Sabbatical."

"I like the relaxed way in which the Japanese approach religion. I think of myself as basically a moral person, but I'm definitely not religious, and I'm very tired of the preachiness and obsession with other people's behavior characteristic of many religious people in the United States. As far as I could tell, there's nothing preachy about Buddhism. I was in a lot of temples, and I still don't know what Buddhists believe, except that at one point Kunio said 'If you do bad things, you will be reborn as an ox.'This makes as much sense to me as anything I ever heard from, for example, the Reverend Pat Robertson."

"Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically."

"The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs."
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