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"Boys are raw materials that women manufacture into products called men."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development
"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."
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Personal Development
"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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"Love sees more with its eyes closed than hate with its eyes open."
Love
"A muddied diamond is better than an unsullied pebble."
Perspective
"A shrub that bears fruit deserves to be watered more than a tree that does not."
Growth
"Fish rule the waters, but can be caught using worms. Birds rule the air, but can be caught using grain."
Strategy
"Fish are small, but do not drown in the sea. Ships are big, but sink in the ocean."
Survival
"Stars earn their brightest colors in the dark."
Beauty
"An egg's true value is only known when it is broken."
Growth
"One friend in a storm is worth more than a thousand friends in sunshine."
Friendship
"Only the dead do not need wisdom, none who are living can survive without it."
Wisdom
"A star does not cease to be a star because it is surrounded by darkness."
Resilience
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