"Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army, when you can actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its name is."

Army, Enemy, Name, Soldiers

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"Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army, when you can actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its name is."

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"If my soldiers were to begin to think, not one of them would remain in the army."

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Explore more quotes by Jon Stewart

"I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor."

Movies

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."

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"Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain."

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"If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news."

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"The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him."

Legal

"Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You legalize marijuana, no need for quotas, because really, who's gonna wanna work?"

Work

"I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character."

Character

"I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else."

Dream

"McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done."

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"There is no such thing as an impartial jury because there are no impartial people. There are people that argue on the web for hours about who their favorite character on "Friends" is."

People