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"A lot of people have gotten into comedy because of certain influences in their lives or events that were painful, and I really have wracked my brain to figure it out. I pretty much have had a normal childhood. Maybe it was too normal."
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"Often times I'm confronted with a quote that I don't remember saying. So, on one hand it's very flattering, it is just so surreal."
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"The last resort of kings, the cannonball. The last resort of the people, the paving stone."

"It is not true that people are naturally equal for no two people can be together for even a half an hour without one acquiring an evident superiority over the other."

"There are bad people who would be less dangerous if they were quite devoid of goodness."

"Whatever good things people say of us, they tell us nothing new."

"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating - people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing."

"People are lucky and unlucky not according to what they get absolutely, but according to the ratio between what they get and what they have been led to expect."

"We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones."
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