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"I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in."
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"Thought, if I may put it, is the man behind the possession, appearance, things we like, things we hate and the very epitome of life."

"Your subconscious mind is the universal mind with a universal consciousness."

"Absolute is infinite so there is no absolute truth. There is truth that you can see in infinite ways and make your own."

"Every aspect of your life will be enlivened when you start to think and communicate with your heart and mind in cohesive coordinated harmony."

"Think about yourself because no one has time to think about you. Everyone is busy thinking about themselves."

"I don't claim to know everything, Wally. I only claim that everything can eventually be known."

"I don't know who you are or where you are, but I know your deep driving desires. I am writing to you to make your life a little easier and better."

"There are two kinds of people:those who learned to love and those who didn't."

"Any education that doesn't allow you to think freely is not an education but a prison."

"I came to this world to bloom and spread my love to fill the world with happiness."
Explore more quotes by George Carlin

"I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories."

"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."

"Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It's because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time."

"On school uniforms Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now they have to make them look alike too? It's not a new idea, either. I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930s, but it was hard to understand because the narration was in German."

"Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money."

"Gotta have my make up, in case I run into Joey and he wants to beat the shit out of me. Gotta look my best! Maybe he'll punch me repeatedly in the kidneys and the stomach so it doesn't mark up my face. He's so thoughtful!"

"I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic."
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