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"Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face."
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"A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book."

"It's good fun, yes, but when we play, we take it seriously and want to do well."

"I always feel like I'm missing out on something, that someone is having more fun than I am, so I take measures to make sure that is impossible."

"Usually bad guys are much more fun to play and much more interesting to watch."
Explore more quotes by Dave Barry

"As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse."

"Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around."

"Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything."

"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."

"We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective."
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