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"Did those nice church ladies come by again?" He nodded. "I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a sin for them to have a threesome, since they were all married in God's eye. And they decided they were late to be somewhere else."
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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it."

"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."

"The fun we'll have tonight is called figging."

"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
Explore more quotes by Ilona Andrews

"Sex is about physical attraction, yes, but it's also about trust. I don't trust you. You're completely self-absorbed and egoistic. You offer nothing I want."

"I was so happy to be out of there. "Barabas, if you weren't battingfor the other team, I'd marry you.He grinned. "If I weren't batting for the other team, I would accept yourproposal. You had me at 'No comment.' If all my clients were this smart, mylife would be much easier. Much, much easier."

"So far I had the god of evil and the god of terror on my side. My good-guy image was taking a serious beating. Maybe I should recruit some unicorns or kittens with rainbow powers to even us out."

"I suggest you give up now. According to my research, in a vampire-werewolf love triangle, the vampire always gets the girl."

"Men and swords. My father said that if you put any able-bodied man, no matter how peaceful, into a room with a sword and a practice dummy and leave him alone, eventually the man would pick up the sword and try to stab the dummy. It is human nature."

"Mom?" Mother turned to Grandmother."What?""She's going to lunch with her kidnapper!""Take a picture for me," Grandma said."

"This doesn't mean you're getting a discount."Audrey heaved a mock sigh. "Oh well. I guess I'll have to ply you with sexual favors, then."Gnome choked on the soup. "I'm old enough to be your grandfather!"Audrey winked at him, gathering the empty bags. "But you're not."

"I know human nature. We might sacrifice a few, because we are stupid and hardwired for group survival. But we would never die in the thousands because a god wished it. Those kinds of numbers require material gains, like power, wealth, territory."
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