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Jonathan Swift

"Gulliver describes a royal personage inspiring awe among the tiny Lilliputians because he was taller than his brethren by the breadth of a human fingernail."

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"Gulliver describes a royal personage inspiring awe among the tiny Lilliputians because he was taller than his brethren by the breadth of a human fingernail."

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Asa Don Brown

"Genuinity is mother of stupidity."

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Asa Don Brown

"You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps."

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Asa Don Brown

"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

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Asa Don Brown

"The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect."

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Asa Don Brown

"God created war so that Americans would learn geography."

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Asa Don Brown

"Does your guilty past catch up so fast with your age? You've been robbing hex nuts, cap nuts, lock nuts and wing nuts. No wonder you have turned into a greedy nut."

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Asa Don Brown

"Prices of semicolons, plot devices, prologues and inciting incidents continued to fall yesterday, lopping twenty points off the TomJones Index."

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Asa Don Brown

"Never make fun of people who are different...unless they have more money, power and influence. Then you must."

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Asa Don Brown

"We're roughage," Tyger said. "If we don't cause a little intestinal distress, no one knows we're there."

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Asa Don Brown

"He wondered reflectively what would happen if you asked a nun where the Gents was. Probably the Pope sent you a sharp note or something."

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Jonathan Swift
"Human brutes, like other beasts, find snares and poison in the provision of life, and are allured by their appetites to their destruction."
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Jonathan Swift
"Politics, as the word is commonly understood, are nothing but corruptions."
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Jonathan Swift
"Most sorts of diversion in men, children and other animals, are in imitation of fighting."
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Jonathan Swift
"Better belly burst than good liquor be lost."
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Jonathan Swift
"Men are happy to be laughed at for their humor, but not for their folly."
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Jonathan Swift
"The want of belief is a defect that ought to be concealed when it cannot be overcome."
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Jonathan Swift
"Good manners is the art of making those people easy with whom we converse. Whoever makes the fewest people uneasy is the best bred in the room."
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Jonathan Swift
"My nose itched, and I knew I should drink wine or kiss a fool."
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Jonathan Swift
"A man should never be ashamed to own that he has been in the wrong, which is but saying... that he is wiser today than yesterday."
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Jonathan Swift
"It is impossible that anything so natural, so necessary, and so universal as death, should ever have been designed by providence as an evil to mankind."
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