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"Gulliver describes a royal personage inspiring awe among the tiny Lilliputians because he was taller than his brethren by the breadth of a human fingernail."
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"You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps."

"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

"The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect."

"Prices of semicolons, plot devices, prologues and inciting incidents continued to fall yesterday, lopping twenty points off the TomJones Index."

"We're roughage," Tyger said. "If we don't cause a little intestinal distress, no one knows we're there."
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"Human brutes, like other beasts, find snares and poison in the provision of life, and are allured by their appetites to their destruction."

"Good manners is the art of making those people easy with whom we converse. Whoever makes the fewest people uneasy is the best bred in the room."

"A man should never be ashamed to own that he has been in the wrong, which is but saying... that he is wiser today than yesterday."

"It is impossible that anything so natural, so necessary, and so universal as death, should ever have been designed by providence as an evil to mankind."
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