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"I told her that I didn't want to take any drugs. That I had come here not to take drugs. 'Listen, ' she said, not unkindly, 'up until now I would say that ninety - nine percent of all the narcotics you have taken in your life you bought from guys you didn't know, in bathrooms or on street corners, something like that. Correct?'I nodded.'Well these guys could have been selling you salt or strychnine. They didn't care. They wanted your money. I don't care about your money, and, unlike your previous suppliers, I went to college to study just the right drugs to give to people like you in order to help you get better. So, bearing all that in mind ... Take the fucking drugs!'I took the drugs."
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"We want to continue the efforts against domestic violence and spread the drug courts, and develop real effective means of providing treatment for drug abusers without having to have them arrested."
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Personal Development
"I've been in a treatment center for drinkin'. I stayed for two days, then escaped."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I told her that I didn't want to take any drugs. That I had come here not to take drugs. 'Listen, ' she said, not unkindly, 'up until now I would say that ninety - nine percent of all the narcotics you have taken in your life you bought from guys you didn't know, in bathrooms or on street corners, something like that. Correct?'I nodded.'Well these guys could have been selling you salt or strychnine. They didn't care. They wanted your money. I don't care about your money, and, unlike your previous suppliers, I went to college to study just the right drugs to give to people like you in order to help you get better. So, bearing all that in mind ... Take the fucking drugs!'I took the drugs."
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"Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands."
Sports
"I realized women and humor were linked very closely."
Humor
"I knew that I had been partially right in the storeroom above the bar on Christmas Day. Whoever I had become had to die."
Transformation
"Every day I ran to that book like it was a bottle of whiskey and crawled inside because it was a world that I had at least some control over, and slowly, in time, it began to take shape."
Books
"I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist."
Art
"Hey dawg, wassup?' he said, in the strange way that white talent agents from Los Angeles do in an attempt to sound like young black men from underprivileged backgrounds. A linguistic fashion as peculiar as the lisp that everybody in medieval Spain had to adopt after the king developed a speech impediment."
Humanity
"I think in our desire to create a better America, we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling."
Politics
"After all this time I found that the novel is in fact punk rock."
Art
"Strange star - like object over Oslo right before Obama arrives. A gift of a golden medal given by a group of wise men... Nah."
Truth
"By the power of Steven Wright's Beard!"
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