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"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"Comedy strikes here... just to reduce pressure and depression."
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Personal Development
"They're both bungholes who think they're too noble to shit."
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Personal Development
"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."
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"The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination. But the combination is locked up in the safe."
Universe
"We are not primarily put on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through."
Earth
"When I can no longer bear to think of the victims of broken homes, I begin to think of the victims of intact ones."
Personal
"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be."
Humor
"The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance."
Chance
"Pain is the question mark turned like a fishhook in the human heart."
Heart
"There are times when parenthood seems nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you."
Nothing
"Who of us is mature enough for offspring before the offspring themselves arrive? The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults."
Marriage
"Celibacy is the worst form of self-abuse."
Society
"The tuba is certainly the most intestinal of instruments, the very lower bowel of music."
Music
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