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"Humor is my default mode."
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"Don't panic. Are you sitting? You probably don't need to sit. Well, possibly. At least lean on something."

"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."

"At this, Gansey rolled over onto his back and folded his hands on his chest. He wore a salmon polo shirt, which, in Blue's opinion, was far more hellish than anything they'd discussed to this point."

"I liked that he was a tenured professor in the Department of Slightly Crooked Smiles with a dual appointments in the Department of Having a Voice that Made My Skin Feel More Like Skin."

"What is it with you today? says Christina on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are stillswollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face."Oh, you know, I say. "Sun shining. Birds chirping.She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an undergroundtunnel."

"In a way, a lot of my humor comes from presenting things that are dramatic or shocking and then people not having socially appropriate responses, having people denying the drama by failing to react to it, and that's a really classic form of humor."
Explore more quotes by John Updike

"Existence itself does not feel horrible; it feels like an ecstasy, rather, which we have only to be still to experience."

"There is no doubt that I have lots of words inside me; but at moments, like rush-hour traffic at the mouth of a tunnel, they jam."

"Every marriage tends to consist of an aristocrat and a peasant. Of a teacher and a learner."

"But it is just two lovers, holding hands and in a hurry to reach their car, their locked hands a starfish leaping through the dark."

"A narrative is like a room on whose walls a number of false doors have been painted; while within the narrative, we have many apparent choices of exit, but when the author leads us to one particular door, we know it is the right one because it opens."

"Wickedness was like food: once you got started it was hard to stop, the gut expanded to take in more and more."
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