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"I don't want my president to be a TV star. You don't have to be on television every minute of every day - you're the president, not a rerun of 'Law & Order'. TV stars are too worried bout being popular and too concerned about being renewed."
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"The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded."

"Being "contented" ought to mean in English, as it does in French, being pleased. Being content with an attic ought not to mean being unable to move from it and resigned to living in it; it ought to mean appreciating all there is in such a position."

"A human being's first responsibility is to shake hands with himself."

"Being born with a pair of beady eyes was the best thing that ever happened to me."

"Having had a reputation for being sexy is a great prop to lean on now."

"I was probably being a little cocky, which I do when I feel that I don't know what I'm talking about."
Explore more quotes by Bill Maher

"Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids."

"Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?"

"Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'"

"When you want to make it clear to the rest of the world that you are not an imperialist, the best countries to have with you are Britain and Spain."

"Fame has sent a number of celebrities off the deep end, and in the case of Michael Jackson, to the kiddy pool."

"This is a ridiculous heat wave we're in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich said that for the entire month of June, he will stop blowing hot air."
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