"I've never created a riot before. I did cause a brawl at the last formal. A large number of young women there actually arrived with the expectation of seducing me into matrimony, and a couple of their mothers came to blows. It was hilari-I mean, dreadful. Simply dreadful."

Humor, Chaos, Social, Observation

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"I've never created a riot before. I did cause a brawl at the last formal. A large number of young women there actually arrived with the expectation of seducing me into matrimony, and a couple of their mothers came to blows. It was hilari-I mean, dreadful. Simply dreadful."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

Anthony Liccione, American Author

Humor, Trust, Mistake, Learning

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

Michael Bassey Johnson, Nigerian Philosopher

Humor, Comedy, Stupidity, Life, Love

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

C. JoyBell C., American Author

Humor, Self, Life, Joy

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

Richelle Mead, American Author

Humor, Dance, Sex, Judgment

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Weight, Warning, Technology

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

Chuck Palahniuk, American Novelist

Humor, Death, Danger, Irony

"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Humor, Truth, Happiness, Power

"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."

Charles Dickens, English Novelist

Humor, Words

"Laughter is carbonated holiness."

Anne Lamott, American Author

Humor, Laughter, Holiness, Joy, Faith

"Well, I said, "you obviously have some power. You chased off those hooligans with rotten fruit. Perhaps you have banana-kinesis? Or you can control garbage? I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city's sewer system. Perhaps you're related? Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn't imagine what."

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Humor, Power, Life, Mythology

Explore more quotes by Ilona Andrews

"It seems that we had...not a better education, per se, but perhaps more incentive to use it. They learn, but they hardly think."

Education, Thinking, Learning, Intellect

"Jack didn't fully get Jesus. Audrey tried to explain it, and he could repeat it back to her, word for word, but he still didn't comprehend most of it. The best he could gather was that Jesus lived long ago, told people to be nice, and they killed him for it. At the end, he asked who was Jesus' necromancer and if he was in the Bible, then Kaldar couldn't stop laughing and had to sit down."

Religion, Understanding, Humor, Perception

"I have a serious question.""I will give a serious answer.""Can a god be killed?"The humor drained from Roman's face. "Well, that depends on if you're a pantheist or a Marxist.""What's the difference?""The first believes that divinity is the universe. The two are synonymous and nonexistent without each other. The second believes in anthropocentrism, seeing man in the center of the universe, and god as just an invention of human conscience. Of course, if you follow Nietzsche, you can kill God just by thinking about him."

Theology, Philosophy, Humor, Existence

"It took a qualified wizard to detect a summoning in progress. It required only a half-literate idiot with a twitch of power and a dim idea of how to use it to attempt one. Before you knew it, a three-headed Slavonic god was wreaking havoc in downtown Atlanta, the skies were raining winged snakes, and SWAT was screaming for more ammo."

Fantasy, Magic, Chaos, Power, Observation

"Yes, Curran said. "We'd like you to officiate."I'm sorry?"We'd like you to marry us, I said.Roman's eyes went wide. He pointed to himself. "Me?"Yes, Curran said."Marry you?"Yes."You do know what I do, right?"Yes, I said. "You're Chernobog's priest."

Love, Marriage, Commitment, Courage

"Failure happened. The trick was to accept the risk and try anyway."

Success, Failure, Acceptance, Risk, Persistence

"The mage pulled my knife out of his side and looked at it. "Nice knife. The voice was deep but female.I threw my second knife. The blade bit into the mage's chest. Shit. Missed the neck. "Here, have another one."

Action, Conflict, Adventure, Danger

"One day, she'd find a way to live her life to the fullest. She was sure of it. She just had no idea how she would manage it."

Aspiration, Hope, Future, Uncertainty, Determination

"Kate's Speciality: Killing things, with much bloodshed. Talking trash, infuriating authority. Driving Beast Lord crazy."

Adventure, Humor, Action, Chaos, Rebellion

"I can't give you the white picket fence, and if I did, you'd set it on fire."

Relationship, Love, Loss, Destruction, Trust